rantings of a deranged mind

been a while, almost a year i think, wow, still cant believ i have been gone this long, everything's changed, even blog re-designed, and i wasnt even here for that, very sad, now am back and i dont even know where to start from there is like a world of things i would love to just talk about but i dont even know where to start, but i thought i would start by coming back.

My family and I will be moving from the family home this coming week, I dont know if its right to call this exciting, considering we have lived there all our lives, any how I dont make the rules, am like 23 and my father will not let me leave home, because he is set in he's ways and he believes that a female should only leave home, if she is getting married and then only if the young man has enough spine to walk up to him and ask for his daughter's hand,

Ok let me translate, this means I will probably stay at home forever! considering that the few young men that i have known will usually keep as far as way from my father except for The present young man, who I like to imagine is a prince from Zimbabwe, who seems to not give a hoot what anyone says, maybe he will be the one.

Where was I? moving!
ok am taking this next week off to see this small town for the last time considering the new place is an hour away, and the cool thing is I am learning so many things that I missed growing up, there are places here that I never knew existed and seeing all this stuff, well it makes me kinda sad that am leaving then I realise that if I had always seen this stuff, their beauty would be completely lost on me, but now....well now it means ..... everything.

reminds me of something some one once said about the stars and how if every night sky of every day of the year was filled with stars we would never ever see their beauty, but in the short glimpses we catch of them, we are able to see how lovely, how magical and and how totally magnificent a starry night is.

here's the cool thing about having a blog that no body reads, you get to write anything you like,you dont have to worry about what the next person thinks, because there is no next person, you dont have to worry about writing errors, because honestly ....who cares?
Just had a horrid morning, I hate to sound ungrateful, but I really don't like my job, dont be mistaken, I love what I do, but i just hate my job, and not being able to control something, when a client comes in yelling, i have to remain calm, i have to take the heat, for something, like a late delivery which would have been prevented, if the person in charge of fixing the machine, had done their job, I have to explain to a client why there is no ink to get their work printed....INK! I have to take the heat for that, yet I am the looney that is supposed to be at my desk creating artwork, how am i supposed to do that if I've got to deal with all the mess?
Anyhow, one of these days am just going to up and leave, but I supposed I already threatened to do that.
but just give me time,

By the way, its cool to be back at blog. and this time round, I intend to enjoy my self.

after several failed attemptms at bloging, i am finally bowing out,
I am going to look for another passion that i can soak my self into, maybe i will finally paint those sketches that had started piling up. anyway, it was fun while it lasted but i suppose i cant really force it. I had some wonderful friends and i read some great posts. you take care.
bye.
P.K.T.
(sistaslave)

Its the end of the week, it has probably been onw of the best and worst weeks all wrapped up in one. its friday today, I am tired, broke, one of my workmates had a shout at me, i have a pile of illustrations to scan and am not even started, I am broke, am sorry, did i already say that am broke, its the beginning of the month i need to pay for my paking space for next this month and i just dont have the money.
i had some luck with a client i have been finishing up a design for for the last forever and finally this week he says we are done and i should send my bill. that was the best part. except now am still waiting and he still hasnt paid.
But I thank God that the week ended and am still standing. and the weekend is here. I get to paint.
yipee.

Its been nearly two weeks and the whole time i havent gotten the chance to step in and blog, work has been really tight. and then i had this IELTS test that i just didnt get..and then there were all these deadlines chasing me down. then my computer had its first major crash in 3 years, good news is i recovered the data today, so i think things are looking up, I have this great praise service at church tomorrow and I cant wait. I think its going to be a good week here on.

About four years ago, I started writing a short story called 'miguel' and i was having a wonderful time until the computer crashed i lost everything,and i happed to be one of those people who dont first write out the book on paper and then transfer it to a computer, i just type it there, coz at the time, it seemed the sensible thing to do, anyway, like i was saying, the computer crashed and i lost everything, so i forgot about Miguel, i had lost like two chapters, and i just didnt want to think about writing it all afresh.
anyway, yesterday, sunday, my sister and a cousin of mine were cleaning up and they found three pages of that 'manuscript' if i can call it that and they showed it to me. I was amazed, i actually had something there, the writing was a bit off, but the story, just those three pages that i must have printed out back then to show to a friend, were actually interested,
so anyhow, i've decided that I am going to do this.
I'm going to finish my story, maybe the title will change, and i have forgotten what the rest of the story was supposed to be, but i am going to chase it, and see where it goes
wish me luck.

I woke up today and didnt want to go to work, but i get paid at the end of the month, so i guess, it would be unfair not to come to work, but now am here, and i cant go back home, its the middle of the day, and i feel so tired and sleepy, but this wouldnt be a problem if i actually had something to do with the time, I have finished all the work i was supposed to do, and i have spent the last hour waiting for something to happen and i am oh so sleepy.
I am really hoping for something better to happen. before my boss walks in on me napping

I painted this nearly two weeks ago and i had not yet found the right name to call it. but i have decided to call it 'ninshasa2' it's a word from my native language which means that 'i am hurting' its the second part in what i hope will not turn into a series because honestly everytime i try to paint i can only think sad thoughts.
Today a workmate said something, that might have seemed quite ordinary to anyone else but i found it very unnerving and i completely flipped out. I dont know what is wrong with him, i am losing all sense of self control and i dont even know what to do about it anymore.
Sometimes i just wish i could turn off everything and forget about life, i am such a mess, but what worries me most is the fact that i don't even know what to do about it.
Lord , I need help

I painted this nearly two weeks ago and i had not yet found the right name to call it. but i have decided to call it 'ninshasa2' it's a word from my native language which means that 'i am hurting' its the second part in what i hope will not turn into a series because honestly everytime i try to paint i can only think sad thoughts. Today a workmate said something, that might have seemed quite ordinary to anyone else but i found it very unnerving and i completely flipped out. I dont know what is wrong with him, i am losing all sense of self control and i dont even know what to do about it anymore. Sometimes i just wish i could turn off everything and forget about life, i am such a mess, but what worries me most is the fact that i don't even know what to do about it. Lord , I need help